Size Does Matter

Size does matter.

Now get your minds outta the gutter folks, this is regarding my useless skin bags, aka the baby feeders. These puppies have been mentioned briefly many times before in the bloggy, but I really want to get down to the nitty gritty and get some stuff off my chest. Not that there's much left. Hahahaha get it!?!? 

I've never been blessed with the chest, but things have really hit a new low since having kids. Mom's- I know there are more of you out there that feel me here!? There was a brief time where I was a D cup and popping out of my shirt, but that came along with a 68lb weight gain and an infant. It also looked as if my boobs literally ate my neck. Not cool.  Now what's left looks like stretched out balloons, that have no feeling and can't even fill out a T-shirt properly. I've been called every name in the book over the years- mosquito bites, AAA, itty bitty. I could keep going but I'm having flashbacks of my youth riding home on the school bus. They are small. I'm used to it. I own it. Would it be nice to not look like a teenager? Sure, but it is what it is. It would also be nice to not have my stomach stick out past my chest after consuming 80% of a pizza to myself in one sitting on a lonely Friday night. But hey, I could also cut back on gorging that many carbs at once. I highly doubt that will ever actually happen though.

I couldn't even feed my babies with these things. Hence the name "useless skin bags." I tried it all. Working with an awesome lactation consultant, aka Boobie Queen. Pumping prior to birth. I remember sitting on the couch during the end of my pregnancy with baby #2, hand expressing milk while holding a syringe to the end of my boob, just trying to get as much colostrum saved up as possible. It took me weeks to save up enough for about 5 feedings when she was born- if that. It was like searching for liquid gold. Literally. I ate special cookies to help. Not thoooosseee kind of special cookies either. Eventually, I had to face the fact that these mini jugs just weren't going to cooperate.

The biggest slap in the face wasn't when I couldn't feed my kids, or when I bent over and noticed they look like the ends of bananas. It was when I recently discovered that Nordstrom doesn't even sell my size in the women's department. WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST PEOPLE?!!? What am I supposed to do? Resort to getting one from the kids section that's neon colored with bedazzlement that's totes cool, and says something like YOLO or BFF on it?!

I think I'll pass on that, and I'm about to pass on wearing one all together. Ok, not really.