This guuuurrrrllll right here!!!
Now don't get all grossed out because who REALLY enjoys wiping tush? NOBODY! However, if I am ASSisting in the wipe job that means she is actually going....get my drift? I never imagined dealing with a kid that is so stubborn on the poo front. She knows how to go, she just refuses to do so. We have gone through countless pairs of "Minnie's" and pretty much clogged every toilet in the 253. I wish I would have bought stock in Pedia-lax because I have dropped a pretty penny on children's suppositories as well. There have been some real crappy (pun intended) memories of the trials and poop-ulations for Miss Kaelyn and her #2's.
It all started when she was 9 months old when we ventured to CO and she got extremely backed up. After much discomfort and a huge belly, my pal Bri ventured to the store for suppositories and wine. I've shared this story plenty of times before, but 10 seconds after we gave it to her things were literally flying out of her rear end. Great for her, bad for us. Why you ask? When things are airborne and headed your direction your natural reaction is to put your hands up and block it....enough said.
Another great tale took place last spring while we were at a friends house. I must clarify that this friend of mine wasn't my BFF or anyone even close to that. (Not that what happened would have been acceptable at my BFF's, I just know she wouldn't have judged me....as much.) Well Kaelyn was fighting it all day and happened to be wearing a dress. She was dancing around in the living room while I was talking to my friend and I see Leah crawling towards something that looked like a piece of dog food. The mom in me quickly bends down and grabs the "dog food" so my crawling Gremlin wouldn't munch on it. If it was my house my reaction wouldn't be as fast because we all know that things slip after kid #1. **If you are judging me for that comment you either have no kids or you are still hovering over kid #1. Just wait, you'll join my club soon!** Munching on a little piece of dog food wouldn't be the end of the world, but since I didn't know what kind of dog food it was I didn't want to chance it. Well... turns out it wasn't dog food, but was in fact, a piece of rabbit turd from child's behind that must have flown out of her Minnie's while she was twirling around in her dress. I realize this as the rabbit turd was in my hand, my friend was 5 feet away from me and we are in the middle of a conversation. Since we weren't BFF's I flushed that shit down the toilet, sanitized my hands and tried to pretend nothing happened! Can we say mortified!!??!!
Every excuse has been thrown my way as to why she JUST.CAN'T.GO.
Someone markered in my unnawears Mom!
I can't go. Nobody's got time for that!
But Mooooooommmm! Leah doesn't use the potty!
It just can't come out. Uggghhhhhhh!!! I trying soooo hard Mom and nothing!
The list goes on...But Monday's excuse, Monday takes the cake.
She fought the urge all morning before school. On the way to the car, she stops walking and gets the dreaded face and her body freezes up. With Leah already in the car, I know I have about 2.5 seconds to get Kaelyn to the toilet. I get her frozen stiff self there, go back to the doorway so I can have a view of Leah in the car while still being within talking range to the poo princess. She's crying, Leah's screaming and I am running interference between the two little diva's. No poo. School goes by and she makes the face again around lunch. Rush to the bathroom again and nothing. She comes out and tells me "Mom, My poo keeps getting away from me. It's prolly just shy, and you can't make it talk if it's shy...OK MOM!" Um no kiddo, it's getting away from you, and that's called prairie doggin it!!
After dinner she was outside with the neighborhood kids riding bikes and playing with guns. After awhile I see all the boys playing and I see Kaelyn behind a bush wearing her helmet and making the face again. So once more we race inside and FINALLY we succeeded!!!! Helmet and all........
In case you didn't know, parenting is so glamorous!
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