Am I perfect? Not even close. Do I want to be? Not a chance. Do I still aim to please and wish to be right all of the time? Why yes, yes I do. So one can only imagine the mental strife that occurs when someone admits to not being "perfect" but is a control freak and strives to have perfection in most areas of life. Is that somewhat contradictory? Yes. So welcome to my world.
We constantly preach to our kids to be honest, to tell the truth. Honesty is the fairness and straightforwardness of conduct. You can do no wrong if you tell the truth. As child, maybe not. Kids can have complete word vomit and we don't think twice. We think it's hilarious, cute and in most cases refreshing. When your 4 year old walks in on you in the bath and says "Mommy, your boobies look like hot dogs." You laugh, because after two kids, you know deep down that statement may ring true just a bit. (No that did not happen to me, but to a friend, and for that friends sake I will not name them!) Children can say it like it is and there are no real consequences for those actions. If anything, we encourage them. Encourage them to be honest.
I can't help but wonder, does the innocence of youth allow more freedom of speech? Because if adults always practiced such honesty in life, all hell would break loose.
So it really makes me want to know if what Benny Franklin used to say back in the day, "Honesty is the best policy" holds much weight. While in most cases I feel like being honest, truthful and sincere will get you much further in life, there are times when I feel that there is nothing wrong with guarding certain things you choose to share with the world. It's not about being dishonest, it's more about discretion. Maybe one will use discretion because they don't want to hurt the feelings of someone they love. One may also use discretion because they are afraid of how they themselves would be judged by the ones they love. Because of that type of mentality, the use of discretion can often destroy. It can damage relationships, and it can also damage your own well being, even if you are well intentioned at heart. Honesty- dammed if ya do, dammed if ya don't.
I have always been one that speaks my mind. Blunt and direct. Blame it on the fact that I'm a soulless ginger I suppose. Some can handle it, others can't. As an adult, I am really learning that being straightforward isn't as easy as one would hope. When "keeping it real" so to speak backfires, the control freak in me can't just let it be. I need to continue trying to prove my point and make it right. In my mind, that's the right thing to do. I really need to learn to just let certain things go. I won't be able to please everyone, no matter how hard I try. It doesn't matter if I am being blunt or I am guarding how I approach the topic, someone is bound to not like it. And I really need to learn to be ok with that.
My world sort of caught on fire last week and the practice of both honesty and discretion were key factors in some of what happened. There has been a lot happening over the last year with me personally, and while many people in my life know the details of what's been going on, there are still some that don't. It's not about me being dishonest or secretive, I just chose to exercise (that's one of the few times you'll hear me use the word exercise) the use of discretion in certain areas of my life. For one, it wasn't overly positive so what good would I be doing if I flaunted tons of negativity all over social media, etc? Second, it's a private issue so who I choose to share certain aspects of my life with is up to me. So when a match was lit under a highly personal situation in my life recently, the phrase "I was just trying to be honest" was said to me. While that may be true in their mind, I somewhat disagree. Flaunting things on social media doesn't necessarily make you honest. It just makes you public. You put something out there for everyone to see and you automatically invite public opinion. When you don't like what you are hearing, it makes you defensive, but you are the one that hit 'post' so deal with it, right? If only it were that easy.
I know I'm a tough cookie most of the time. Showing emotion isn't something I'm great at. I bottle it all in and then every so often, I crack. I hope that I can teach my kids to be both strong and compassionate. Sure, I know how to be compassionate but when you factor in my lack of emotion at times, blunt nature and stubbornness, it's easy to see why people call my kind soulless gingers. I own the choices I've made in the last year, regardless of wrong or right, public or discreet. Maybe one day I will open up and share more of the nitty gritty, but now really isn't that time. I've got to fan these flames and get shit a movin.
A friend who knows the the dirty deets of my life and has seen me during one of my "emotional crack" moments recommended a book for me to read. I am so glad he chose to share something with me that once helped him. I can't wait to read it. This quote jumped out right away.
"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
Something to practice, and something to preach I suppose. I am beyond thankful for all the weirdo's in my life that keep me in check. Whether you know what's going on or not, thank you. You support me when I need it and tell me to calm the hell down when my red headed nature takes over and starts setting the rest of me on fire!
Something to practice, and something to preach I suppose. I am beyond thankful for all the weirdo's in my life that keep me in check. Whether you know what's going on or not, thank you. You support me when I need it and tell me to calm the hell down when my red headed nature takes over and starts setting the rest of me on fire!
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