Time of day- 6am......
A faint cry in the distance wakes me up. Cripes, it's 6am, go back to sleep! Instead of ignoring it out of fear it would wake the sleeping Gremlin child, I decided to get up and see what was going on. As I stagger into Kaelyn's room half asleep I step on something that hurt so bad it would trump any lego that has ever made you yell every curse word under the sun...or rather, under the moon, since parents only seem to step on these death traps at night or in the wee morning hours. I yelp. Kaelyn starts crying even harder and that's when I notice the puddle of pee on her bed. Yes, I said puddle.
Quick thinking at 6am is hard to do when you are half asleep, so I tell her to take off her clothes and I toss a towel on the 'puddle.' I turn around and step on the parental death trap once again, and once again I yelp! Ugh, WHHHHHHHHYYYYYY didn't I move whatever it was the first time!! Kaelyn thinks I am mad at her because of my repeated squeal and as she's standing there with her tear stained face and urine soaked Zebra jammies halfway around her ankles, she starts to sob some song from Daniel the Tiger or some equally annoying cartoon we've had to watch on repeat 1,000 times. "Accidents happen...blah blah blah." I turn around once again to go take care of Gremlin and get more cleaning supplies for the piddle puddle and I STEP ON THE PAINFUL DEATHTRAP AGAIN! This time I look down to figure out what it is and see that it's this little green dinosaur with a cocky little smile on it's face. I could just hear that little dinosaur laughing at me, mocking me for stepping on it for the third time....Little meanie dinosaur.
All of this happened in less than a minutes time. Seriously.
I clean the piddle puddle mess, get everyone in bed with me, all is quiet. Right when I am about to fall asleep they both start crying for 'hartoons' and snacks. I get some dry cereal since that's acceptable bed eating food and turn on the hartoons. I hear some crunching so I figure I've pleased the littles enough to finally doze off for awhile longer. I wake up 20 minutes later to half eaten Chex cereal stuck in my hair and a 19 month old Gremlin an inch away from my face, glaring at me.
Game over. They win. Time to get up. I wish that little meanie of a dinosaur would make me some coffee in lieu of an apology. It was when I was getting them out of my bed that I realized the crunching I heard earlier wasn't them eating, it was them smashing the cereal between the sheets. My bed had turned into crumb nation, and crumb nations president happens to be a 19 month old Gremlin. I don't need to be awake to know that it was all her doing. She may be the little sister but she's definitely the ring leader.
Time of day- 7:15am. Just in case math ain't your thang...... that's 1 hour and 15 minutes. How is it possible to need a nap before the majority of people are even awake yet!?
In case you were wondering, the little asshole dinosaur has been donated to the trash. I couldn't stand looking at his face any longer.
******Disclaimer- I love my kids so if you don't sense all the sarcasm here when I refer to Leah as a Gremlin, you either don't know her or you don't know me. :)*******
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