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When Kaelyn was first born I remember trying to breastfeed. This was a huge struggle for me. I wasn't producing enough milk and quickly found out she was crying all the time because I was literally starving her! One time I had her on the boob and things were actually going good but I was STARVING! So hungry that I couldn't possibly focus on anything else for another second unless it involved food. I didn't dare move because I wasn't about to ruin one of the few successful boobie sessions I had with her. I saw a package of Walker shortbread cookies on the end table and stretched my tiny arms to grab them. I inhaled a few of the yummy cookies while Kaelyn was quietly nursing... ahhh quick slice of heaven. Then I looked down and saw cookie crumbs all over her face and in her eyes! Drats those cookies are crumbly little suckers! When I say in her eyes I don't mean on her eyelids while they were closed, I mean crumbs IN her eyes! A few days later I was walking into Kaelyns room while holding her and whacked her head on the door frame. I remember apologizing to her, swearing that banging her head and the cookie incident would be the only mistakes I would ever make when it came to my little angel. Ha.. I must have been high on the pain killers that day. Oh wait that's right, someone stole all my painkillers from me right after I had my child. Yes, you are reading that correctly..someone who was in my house jacked pain meds from a woman who just shoved a baby out of their vagina days before. As Stephanie Tanner would say "how rude!"
One of our first trips out was to the Kidz Kaboodle consignment store. As mentioned in previous blogs Target was her first outing, duh! This store was close to home and I figured I could manage this trip easily. Shopped for a little while and things were going great! I set her car seat down next to the Jeep because my hands were full...car seat, shopping bags, diaper bag etc. I opened the door to the car with some force and it hit the bar of her car seat which caused her car seat to roll over into the next parking spot! Thank goodness she was buckled in! I looked up and saw a few people just staring at me probably thinking who's this rookie? I clicked her into the base and hauled butt outta there, tires screeching im sure! I needed to get home before someone called CPS. I was sweating, she slept the entire time.
When Aaron was overseas I really didn't have anyone to help with the parenting. Sure we had a great team of friends and family around us but there wasn't anyone there with me when she wouldn't go to bed at night for weeks on end or to share the midnight feedings with. (hats off single parents of the world!) Sometimes I would just have to lay her in the crib and go sit outside and drink a glass of wine, forcing myself not to go back inside until the glass was empty. Some days I had a 2 glass rule. Our old house was so tiny even if you were outside you would hear her crying so I eventually got smart and would turn some music on for a buffer. I may not remember many details of the early days as a mom but I remember sitting outside drinking that wine, feeling so tired and lonely yet so incredibly thankful for everything I had.
Attention people with no kids or PBK (people before kids).. Ever see a woman carrying the largest diaper bag you have ever seen? Thinking there is NO WAY anyone needs that much stuff?? This story is for you. On one of our many trips to Target Kaelyn had her first HUGE blowout in a shopping cart. I mean crap up the back and out of her neck type of blowout. All over the shopping cart. I heard other moms speak of such events but this was a first for me. The smell so awful you swear it can't be your kid. We had just entered Target and we were OUT of diapers and formula so I had to get the essentials. Had to. I couldn't just go home and drop her off with her dad since he was thousands of miles away. Since we were just running inside for a quick trip I didn't bring the "im travelling to Europe on a month long vacation bag." I shoved a few wipes and a diaper in my purse and called it good. You can imagine my shock when my child decided to have a mini volcanic eruption out of her teeny tiny tush. I grabbed an outfit off the rack, paid for it and headed to the ladies room. I ran out of the wipes I brought quickly since I only had a few and her entire body was covered in this mess. I had to resort to paper towels. She was screaming bloody murder of course. The smell in the bathroom was so rank even I was gagging. After the best cleanup I could manage we ventured back out and the poor teenage looking guy was waiting outside to clean the bathrooms. I quickly avoided any eye contact with that poor soul and ran off to complete my shopping. Diapers, check. Formula, check. Wine, double check!
When Kaelyn was 7 months old we ventured to Colorado by ourselves. I was nervous to travel alone with a baby. I prepped as much as I could. Luckily between family and friends already in Colorado I didn't have to travel with much baby gear. They already had everything there. HUGE help. We check in and got through security which isn't fun with an infant. I did what any normal parent would do and drugged my child with Tylenol before the flight. Truth is she was teething...kinda. I tried to make her a bottle but did you know that it is nearly impossible to find warm water anywhere! I had to beg the Starbucks lady to fill her bottle up for me! We get on the plane and she wouldn't relax. Shes not screaming but she won't stay still and I was starting to sweat. I had been holding her for a long time and I just needed a minute to free my arms. I was trying to set up her DVD player which is impossible to do squeezed into a plane and doing everything with one hand since I was holding her. I dropped her DVD down the side of my seat ( I was the window seat in the back of the plane) and since I am borderline child sized, my arms couldn't reach it. The nice lady next to me couldn't get to it either. After a awhile of me trying she offered to hold Kaelyn while I crawled under the seat to get it. She assured me she wasn't some freak. I did something I never thought I would do....Let a stranger hold my baby! I mean we were on a plane, it's not like she could run off with my kid. Turns out she lived in the Tacoma area and we had some mutual friends.
Real friends catch your child's rocket launcher shit. For real. Altitude can get to some people. For Kaelyn after we got to Colorado she wouldn't poop. It got really awful for her about a week after we got there when we decided to go spend a few nights at my friend Bri's house. We tried warm apple juice, baths and tummy wraps. Nothing was working so she went to the store for some supplies. Chinese food, wine and suppositories. I had never used them before but we read the instructions carefully. The box said Works in minutes. MINUTES. We laid her down on a towel, gave her the suppository and before we could even blink shit was literally flying out of her behind! Minutes?? Crap. Try seconds! Bri being the good sport that she is was right there by my side the entire time. We had our hands up like a shield blocking any potential strays. That girl will always have a special place in my heart for what went down that day!
We were at a birthday party for a friends daughter. Kaelyn was recently walking. I try not to be a "helicopter parent" as our neighbor calls it but there was a time when you had to watch Kaelyn every second. This was during that time. They are walking but not great, they are also into everything! We were all singing Happy Birthday and I took my eyes off Kaelyn for one second to watch Mia blow out her candles. Aaron and I turned around and see Kaelyn pouring an entire can of beer down the front of her jammies! Thankfully it was missing her mouth even though I am sure that was her goal but she was drenched in Budweiser. Needless to say, we didn't let her drive home that night. :)
One hot summer day I ventured to the island with a friend of mine and our kids. We walked to the store with the kids and got a bag of chips and a six pack of beer. You can bet money we enjoyed a beer on our walk home from the store, kids in tow, using the stroller cup holders for our mommy juice. If you have never been to the island than you really just can't understand how it is out there. It's totally normal.
Kaelyn hates having her hair brushed. HATES IT. So I learned that I can do her hair in the time it takes her to eat 3 gummy bears. On the days I can't handle anymore crying she gets the gummy bears so I can brush her hair without a fight. Even if it is only 8am.
I have let her hang out in a pee diaper longer than one should because I am so sick of the fact she has no interest in potty training I hope that running around with a 5lb diaper makes her so unhappy she will cave and start using the toilet.
I know these aren't the most awful tales of parenting and if you think they are you have some whacked out theory on what really goes down when you have kids. (In MY opinion) There is always someone out there with a story that will top yours and make you laugh because you thought hitting your child's head on the door frame or getting cookie crumbs in their eyes was the lowest you would ever go. Just today I was visiting with a friend and she told me how shes had to pull over on the freeway and hang her kids bum out of the car and let him poop on the side of road because he is recently potty trained and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go! Don't worry friend I won't mention your name in case you wanna kill me for sharing that! I just found it incredibly funny! There may not be much glamour in this stage of my life but it sure is fun and interesting!! I wouldn't change a thing!
We were at a birthday party for a friends daughter. Kaelyn was recently walking. I try not to be a "helicopter parent" as our neighbor calls it but there was a time when you had to watch Kaelyn every second. This was during that time. They are walking but not great, they are also into everything! We were all singing Happy Birthday and I took my eyes off Kaelyn for one second to watch Mia blow out her candles. Aaron and I turned around and see Kaelyn pouring an entire can of beer down the front of her jammies! Thankfully it was missing her mouth even though I am sure that was her goal but she was drenched in Budweiser. Needless to say, we didn't let her drive home that night. :)
One hot summer day I ventured to the island with a friend of mine and our kids. We walked to the store with the kids and got a bag of chips and a six pack of beer. You can bet money we enjoyed a beer on our walk home from the store, kids in tow, using the stroller cup holders for our mommy juice. If you have never been to the island than you really just can't understand how it is out there. It's totally normal.
Kaelyn hates having her hair brushed. HATES IT. So I learned that I can do her hair in the time it takes her to eat 3 gummy bears. On the days I can't handle anymore crying she gets the gummy bears so I can brush her hair without a fight. Even if it is only 8am.
I have let her hang out in a pee diaper longer than one should because I am so sick of the fact she has no interest in potty training I hope that running around with a 5lb diaper makes her so unhappy she will cave and start using the toilet.
I know these aren't the most awful tales of parenting and if you think they are you have some whacked out theory on what really goes down when you have kids. (In MY opinion) There is always someone out there with a story that will top yours and make you laugh because you thought hitting your child's head on the door frame or getting cookie crumbs in their eyes was the lowest you would ever go. Just today I was visiting with a friend and she told me how shes had to pull over on the freeway and hang her kids bum out of the car and let him poop on the side of road because he is recently potty trained and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go! Don't worry friend I won't mention your name in case you wanna kill me for sharing that! I just found it incredibly funny! There may not be much glamour in this stage of my life but it sure is fun and interesting!! I wouldn't change a thing!
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