Mama On A String

I'm starting to believe that our children are the rulers and we are simply their subjects. As parents, we may think we are in charge, but really those littles run the show. Ok, so maybe this isn't really true but it sure feels like it some days....or weeks!

Example....

So we play this game every single day where Leah wants string cheese. But.....I wanna do it "MYSEF"" Mom. I wanna open it "MYSEF!" Great. Well we've played this game long enough now that I know she gets mad and ends up asking me do it for her. Once we get it open the game changes and she chews a piece for a second and then decides to hand me the chewed up piece because it suddenly becomes the most disgusting thing she's ever tried eating and I must get it out of her sight that instant! Not the entire string though, just the piece she tried eating. Seeing that she just scaled the fridge like some toddler version of Spiderman seconds before and screaming to have the cheese, I find that it suddenly disgusts her hard to believe. I grab the slobbery regurgitated string cheese with my bare hands, because I'm a Mom and we do shit that that without thinking twice. Sometimes if I am really distracted I forget that it's already been chewed food and almost eat it myself. Lets face it, Mom's live off their kids scraps during the day. Crust and crumbs that have a drizzle of kid slobber should be it's own food group on the pyramid.  I feel like a wild animal sometimes that's just thankful they left me some bits to munch on. My daily food intake is this- Luke warm coffee for breakfast. Two bites of a granola bar I picked up off the couch for a snack. Lunch is crust and 7 goldfish crackers, maybe some half chewed string cheese if I'm lucky. Dinner..well that is my only shot at actually eating a real meal and sometimes I succeed. However, some days I spend so much of that time trying to get the kids to eat, that mine gets cold so I give up and have a glass of wine instead.  We all know if you actually stop to make yourself a meal all your own, the little people will reek havoc and make you wish you never chose to take those 5 minutes to begin with. It's like taking a shower. I know I only have so much time. Get in. Get out. We all remember the time they decided to Sharpie themselves trying to be tigers right?! That's because I took an extra few minutes to shave my legs. That mistake cost me hours of cleaning.

 

 

I actually have good kids too. I can't begin to imagine what it's like for those that don't. I think I will take the sneaky approach. Lose the battle, win the war. When I'm old and senile I will do things like poop in the bath, scream and hit the walls for no reason and write cryptic messages on my wrinkled skin with marker so I can get myself kicked out of the old folks home. I will also call them every 5 minutes and just say their name over and over again, never actually asking a question. It'll be so fun. Great thing about this plan is I probably will be so old I won't remember doing it, so I will repeat it daily!

 

 

 

 

 

Walk Before You Run

Why is everyone so replaceable these days? I've had ample time to assess what's happened in my own personal life and by no means was I perfect. Who really is? We can't rate ourselves purely based off the successes and failures we've had. Sure they shape who we are, but it's what we take away from those situations, both good and bad, that really matters. Do we improve on our weak points or obsess over the failure itself? Most obsess before they improve, when really if we improve first we most likely will see positive results, causing the need to obsess over our failures slowly lessen.

We live in a world where things are always in motion. We rely on instant gratification. Our wants must be fulfilled immediately or we lose sight of what we were going after to begin with. Things break and we replace them instead of trying to fix, mend, or just deciding to live with the small crack in the glass. Sure there is a point with all things where one may have to accept defeat and start to rebuild. Not all things broken can be fixed. We can admit to not being perfect as individuals, but require perfection out of things in life. It makes no sense really. When did we forget to stop and smell the roses? Ok, maybe not literally smell them.(Not that there's anything wrong with it if you do.) We need to learn how to slow down again. Everything is always at our fingertips. Siri can answer almost anything for us, including where to hide a dead body and Google makes us appear intelligent. Texting has pretty much made phone calls obsolete and makes us challenged when it comes to actual face to face communication. We have become disconnected due to constant connection if that makes any sense?

We are literally blowing through life. Sure, not everyone is this way, but the majority are. There is nothing wrong with forward motion, and it's not necessarily bad if it's fast paced. The most important thing that most don't have before getting wrapped up in the NOW NOW NOW mentality, is actually knowing what they want first. I don't know what I want, but I know I want it right now. Many of us have been guilty of this. I hate to call us out, but ladies, that's kind of our knack!

Relationships begin and end before there's even time to give it a title. Technology has allowed us to be in constant contact, while allowing us to still maintain a physical distance. Here's a novel approach, actually get to know a person first. And yes, that requires actual talking. You know, the face to face kind that our ancestors once did. Take online dating for example. Guy sees girl. Guy likes girl. Guy messages girl because her boobs are hanging out in her profile picture, which just so happens to be a selfie. They text for about a day (insert some sexting.) They meet, drink too much, and go too far right away. Then the downward spiral begins. It's over before it starts and you can't figure out why because he seemed so nice?!?Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Then girl starts to hate men and it's bases it off of those experiences. Ladies, take note- No man that asks to see your ta-tas right out the gate is a keeper. Sexting and selfies won't lead to soul mates.

If you jump the gun, you most likely get shot.

Making a valid effort to slow down is key. You must learn to walk before you run. Know what you want in life...and there's nothing wrong with not having those wants right away. Just don't forget to live your life while you wait for the good things to come.

That's my rant!