One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana...FLOOR!

My girls are complete opposites and sometimes I find myself being entertained at how different they really are. Granted, there are plenty of other times that its not entertaining and it's down right frustrating! (This next story was one of the entertaining ones.)

The other day I was sitting on the couch with the girls and Leah gets up, goes over to the counter and points at the bananas. I see her little brain working and I knew she was going to find a way to get them herself. Heck, she already pulled that awesome stunt with getting the 10 inch knife out of the drawer, getting a banana on her own should be a piece of cake...right? She scoots a stool over to the counter gets up on it and still can't reach. She sees the dog enter the kitchen and yelled some gibberish to get him to stop. Again, she points to the bananas and looks at him. Without hesitation my beast of a dog stands on his hind legs, gets up on the counter and gets the bunch of bananas! While he is holding the bananas in his mouth Leah rips one off, peels it and walks off munching away, satisfied with her recent accomplishment. By peeling it I really mean she was squatted on the floor, banging it on the ground and grunting until it popped the peel open a bit. She then proceeded to peel it and went about her way. Very primitive caveman-ish Gremlin behavior. Meanwhile Prince chews one inch off the end of every banana left  and leaves the remains for me to clean up.

I don't know if Gremlin put the dog into a trance, or if her authoritative tone combined with her gibberish scared him into doing whatever she said. Natural born leader that little one is. Or future meanie?! Only time will tell I suppose.

I however must have been in some sort of hypnosis during this whole ordeal because while watching the series of events, I realized I was hungry and out of the corner of my eye I see something that resembled a chip on the couch. Without thinking, I just grab whatever it was and ate it! It could have been a regurgitated goldfish cracker for crying out loud! Your eating habits drastically change when you become a parent, but that may have been an all time low! Actually, the all time low would have been the time I picked some food up off the floor that one of the littles dropped, had it in my hand for a few because I got distracted and then ended up eating it without thinking. That's just how I roll I suppose, gross.

What did I learn in all of this?!? I have a 4 year old that refuses to wipe her own rear end, acts like she can't dress herself and gets scared in the night. Then there's that crazy 1 year old who is on the path to self sufficiency a bit too early. I'm hoping they start to balance each other out some. Fingers crossed! I can't be wiping asses while chasing knives out of the hands of toddlers forever. (Insert scared face here!)

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Knives.

I would be lying if I said I hadn't had some oh so stellar parenting moments that allowed me to be crowned Mother of the year. It's happened and it's happened more than once. I'm sure it will happen plenty of times from here on out as well. You can't beat yourself up over every small mistake you make as a parent. There was the time when Kaelyn was a newborn and I accidentally hit her car seat (which I had set on the ground) with the car door and knocked her over. Luckily she was strapped in. Or the time I was so in awe of my first born baby girl that I was just staring at her in my arms while walking into her room. Well I missed the doorway and rammed my infants head into the wall. Another winning moment would be during a kids birthday party. Kaelyn was just walking then and while we were singing happy birthday, K decided to help herself to someone's can of beer on the table. She poured it all over herself. It's still a mystery if she actually consumed any of the delicious Blue Moon in a can.

Today though, today may take the cake for my parenting fails. Baby proofing? Come on, that's for amateurs and paranoid helicopter parents right?! That's how I USED to feel until today. Apparently my ego was too big for my midget britches. Nothing really had to be baby proofed with Kaelyn, so I think I had a false sense of security with my belief that you don't really need to do it. I guess she just wasn't as...um....adventurous as her little sis is turning out to be. When I was a kid I remember seeing the Mr. Yuk sticker on something and I knew not to touch it. I also knew to leave things like knives, booze and cigarettes alone. However, there is one story from when I was a tiny tot where I may have grabbed something that resembled a cig off the counter and ran around the house saying "Smoking is bad!" I now know that it wasn't a cigarette after all, but whatever, potatoe-potato right?

** Side note- Does anyone else remember getting those chalk cigarettes as kids?! What a twisted thing for kids to love getting. It's probably why I grabbed the wacky tabacky off the counter that day when I was a young buck. Who knows, another unsolved mystery I suppose. **

So anyways, back to the story at hand. While cleaning the house today I run into the laundry room to switch the load. I come back into the main part of the house, walk around the corner and see my 10inch chef's knife, aka the BFK (big 'bleepin' knife) on the living room floor! Yes, you read that right.....10 INCH KNIFE. Nobody is near it. Leah and the dog were on the other side of the house playing in Kaelyns room. So after my initial panic that someone was hiding around the corner wearing the mask from Scream, and getting ready to attack me, I realized that the Gremlin was the only other person that could be to blame for grabbing the knife out of the TOP drawer. Dang that Leah...Chucky...Stewie...Tracy!!! That moment was one of the few times I was so thankful her attention span is non existent. I'm sure she grabbed the knife but it wasn't really even about the knife, it was more about the challenge of how to get to it. Pushing a chair out of the way (one that's usually blocking the drawers) grabbing a stool and opening the drawer to get the knife. Once she succeeded in her mission, she had no actual use for it but just isn't smart enough yet to hide the evidence of her break in into my cutlery drawer.

Forget that funny guy on YouTube that said "Hide yo kids, hide yo wives." In this house it's more like hide yo kids, hide yo knives!

 

I took a picture of the lovely 10inch knife but can't bring myself to post it. I am so freaked out  that she got to it in 2.5 seconds and am BEYOND, BEYOND, BEYOND thankful that she just did a drop and run.

 

Baby proofing......it's for real ya'll!