Love and Marriage.....

I am no expert on marriage. This I know and will be glad to admit. Aaron and I are hitting the big 3 year mark in September. Once again, Kaeyln if you read this one day you are blind and that 3 is really a 4 and we were married before you were born. Also, if you happen to see any pictures from our wedding day at the courthouse (which we have hidden away because Aaron and I were, ummm, for lack of a better word rather fat at the time.) Anyway, if you see any of those pictures that was some other couples little girl we were holding in the picture!

Kidding- I am happy as a clam that we had you first. We talked about getting married before but decided not to for a few reasons. We wanted to do things in our own time and on our own terms and not feel pressured by family or others. I didn't want to be a prego bride. No offense to those that got married while pregnant whatsoever. It just wasn't something that I wanted to do. Halfway through my pregnancy we found out Aaron would be headed overseas right after Kaelyn was born so there was no way that emotionally I could handle being pregnant, thinking about my future husband & childs father going into a war zone, and plan a wedding at the same time. I'm sure I would of had to do a quick stint in a padded room afterwards.

So one day we just said hey, lets go to the courthouse and get married this week before you leave the country. I mean I knew I was going to marry the guy one day so why the big fuss with a wedding? The jig was up anyways, we already had a baby. So we settle on a day but little does he know that I had a surprise going away party planned for him afterwards at Round Table Pizza. Yes people, we got married at the courthouse with a judge that compared a great marriage to a good worn in pair of jeans, with our baby, in my $19.99 dress from TJMAXX and went and had pizza and beer with our friends afterwards. Classy right? It made for a great ice breaker at work when I would register couples getting married and they would ask how my wedding was....oh the looks on their faces!!! So anyway, back to my original topic. Marriage....

First off, I need to insert my disclaimer in here...see previous post. (I love you babe)

Marriage is no joke. Seriously. As a girl you dream of your wedding... well most girls do. Im not going to say I never thought about it but the thing I thought about more than my dress or who my bridesmaids would be was wondering which dad I would have walk me down the aisle. I had nightmares over this topic. Fights would break out over it in my dreams. ( I know that in reality they wouldn't but still, your thoughts tend to wander) But you hear horror stories about peoples family wedding dramas and you pray to the big man that won't be you. So in the end I guess by getting married at the courthouse by the "jean judge" I avoided any of those potential issues from ever happening in real life. I am not scared of much in life. Well, besides blood, guts, violence, spiders and zombies. But as far as real life events not much makes me shake in my boots. Marriage WAS something that I found myself nervous about. Everyone in my family has been divorced, some more than once and by everyone I mean everyone. (minus one Aunt and Uncle)  See why I had dreams about fights breaking out at my future wedding if I picked the wrong dad to walk me down the aisle?!?! I was a child of divorce, and I have been an adult when my parents divorced (mom and step-dad)  Both situations suck big time. Even though my sister and I got plenty of love from all of our parents divorce still takes it's toll no matter how amicable the parents try and be. So when it came time for Aaron and I to get married I couldn't help but think... how do I know this is going to be forever? What if he marries me and then regrets it down the road?  What if I regret it? These weren't thoughts I had a lot and I was damn sure I wanted this man to be my husband but when all you have been surrounded with your entire life was divorce, it makes you wonder if that path will be passed on to you as well. If you haven't had much divorce in your life I don't expect you to understand that line of thinking and that's ok.

I am not against divorce. I don't like it but lets be real, some things just don't work out in life including the people we pick to be in them. Shoot, my husband was married once before me...something that is no big secret. So if it wasn't for divorce I wouldn't have ended up with this gem of a man. He is a great guy and she is a great gal, things just didn't work. That being said I can't stand how getting divorced almost seems like more of a trend than getting married does these days. Every time I log onto the internet or turn on the tv another famous couple is calling it splitzville. Do we give up to easy these days and just throw in the towel? Who knows. But i bet that if you find a couple that's been together for 50 years they will tell you that it wasn't always peaches and cream. Everything has its highs and lows, and it's all about how you decide to handle things. Do you run for the hills alone? Or do you put on your hiking boots, grab your spouses hand and hike the mountain together? I know that I am forever grateful that Aaron entered my life, he is an excellent man, spouse and father. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve someone this great because of my past fears about marriage... I had to breifly kick my own butt and remind myself that I do in fact deserve someone great in my life and that he deserved the same. We aren't a mushy couple that needs to be together all of the time and thats the way we like it. Heck, right now I am in our room watching American Idol while he is out in the living room drinking Johnny Walker and watching soccer and if tomorrow someone asks me how my evening was, I would say it was great because it was. That is something I learned about love and marriage (mainly marriage after you have a baby) when you are newly in love your evenings are spent cuddling and watching movies together. After marriage and I will say it again, marriage with a baby, love is having your spouse let you shower alone, with the door closed long enough to shave your legs without your child banging on the door. Being so thankful for that shower and alone time that you turn the shower off and realize that you didn't even wash your hair or body!! Yes, that happened to me tonight actually. I was just so glad to have a few minutes to ignore all noise because I knew he was there to handle it. And if you are really lucky like I am your husband will put said child in her jammies and give her milk without even telling you and lets you stay in your mommy cave (mine is our room) and watch a little tv alone. Or having him come home after working a 12 hour day and listens to me ramble on about how funny Ellen was today on TV, knowing he can give two shits about Ellen and her show but knows I am so thankful to see another adult in the house he just lets me tell him and pretends to be interested. At this point in our lives I feel more love towards him over things like that than I would with a fancy date night or romantic gesture. Don't get me wrong he scored some major points with that diamond necklace he got me recently but im pretty simple, I  would have been happy with some crest white strips.

I am not the best wife. I never will be and I don't think I want to be. I am flawed and he loves me anyway. I know things won't always be peachy keen between us but when I am 80 I see him sitting on the couch with me, watching a movie. Something we may not have time for now, but will at that age. In reality it will probably be from an adjustable sleep number bed in a retirement home but still, he is mine and I will thank my lucky stars forever that I ended up with such a great man.