Kids are Tricky.

**HUGE DISCLAIMER..... I hope anyone that chooses to read this knows my level of sarcasm is extremely high. I WOULD NEVER actually call my children such names ever. Don't want to offend anyone out there...that is all.**


Kids are bitches.

Excuse my bluntness there. Actually no, I will stand by my previous statement. KIDS.ARE.BITCHES....SOMETIMES! They are also cute, funny, sticky, smelly, soft, sneaky, innocent, and just down right adorable.

Do I feel bad for saying that kids can be bitches? Nope. Yano why? We all can get that way from time to time. Any parent that claims to have perfect children that never drive them nuts.. well.. they are probably nuts themselves.

The other day I felt like I was knee deep in kid fiascos every time I turned around. Now I get it, kids will be kids and all that. Some days things are great and not much gets to me. Some days everything they do just bugs the crap out of me. (Except hugs and kisses....those are always welcome.)

I spent the morning cleaning and so it was slightly annoying when I walked into one of the living rooms to find Kaelyn and Leah playing pirates. Complete with cardboard rolls as swords. They are playing so what's the big deal, right? Well they in order to get the cardboard rolls they had to raid my kitchen drawer and unwrap all the foil, plastic wrap, and parchment paper. In true kid fashion it was ALL OVER my living room. They also shredded up some newspaper like confetti and yelled "SURPRISE!!! Welcome to the party!!" when I walked into the room.

Party my ass. Pffft..... I don't even think I would consider that strike one, maybe strike .5.

After I convince them to clean it up, Kaelyn's cleaning bug strikes and she grabs the windex. I explain to her that kids shouldn't use windex.

K-Why Mom?

Me- Because it's for grown ups to use.

K-Why?

(Leah grunts in the background...how very Gremlin of her.)

Me-Because it has chemicals and those are bad.

K- Why mom? I want to clean.

Me- NO! The windex has chemicals and chemicals are bad for kids to play with.

K- But WHHHHYYY?

After ten times of going back and forth with the WHHHYYY I say..... BECAUSE CHEMICALS ARE BAD AND CAN KILL YOU!!!!! Gremlin grunts again and then laughs like a loon.

She quietly placed the windex back on the counter. Who am I?! A mean mom that makes windex death threats to toddlers?! Not my best Mom moment, but also not my worst.

Later on someone magically markered in Kaelyn's Minnies. As usual, it's a mystery to her how it happened. Well I am so over scrubbing the Minnies clean that I made her walk around with no pants on. Thought I was smart... then after 20 times of me shouting "Stop grabbing your Vagina Kaelyn," (which only made her do it more) I gave up and gave her another pair of Minnies. I know that all kids creep their parents out when they discover their nether regions, and I need to just ignore it because saying something only makes her do it more and I don't want to shout "Stop grabbing your Vagina" while in Fred Meyer one day.

Some time passes, and they decide to have a tea party. I thought it was a smart idea to give them unopened tea bags to use for pretend play. They are quietly playing in Kaelyn's room forever and I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY about it. I peek in to check on them and all 6 tea bags are out of the package, ripped open and tea is all over her floor! Remember that cleaning I did? Yeah, vacuuming was part of that. I then see white spots all over her floor and ask what it is. "Oh Mom, that's just some milk for the tea party!" What would possess them to make in rain milk all over the carpet??! Oh yeah, it's because kids are bitches.

The final straw that day.......Catching Kaelyn changing Leah's diaper. Now normally I would be all for her helping out with diaper duty. If it was pee.....which this was not.

So yeah, that's why kids can be bitches and moms can get bitchy. It's like the circle of life....for bitchiness.